A Look At Wild World Lyrics By Cat Stevens - A Positive Look At Separation Part 1
Cat’s song starts with this stanza of lyrics.
Now that I’ve lost everything to you,
you say you want to start something new,
and it’s breaking my heart you’re leaving,
baby I’m grieving.
My wife left with our CDs and with my child and with my heart. When she told me to leave her or else she would move out, I cried my heart out for a while and then politely asked her if I could sleep in our bed with her that night and possibly leave in the morning. She agreed that I could and didn’t change her habit of sleeping nude and I slept next to my sexy wife naked next to me for the last night. Just as we were going to bed that night, half an hour after the argument that ended in me being given myo marching orders, I was tempted to ask her if I could make love to her one more time before I left. You know, “One for the road.” lol
It wasn’t fear that stopped me from asking, it was my respect for my wife as asking her to have sex so soon after a bad argument and considering that she had finally had just to much of me would have been highly insulting to her as there would have been no love coming from her side.
I have always been a person who likes to spend money and my wife liked doing it, and so besides some nice clothes and a TV and sterio we really didn’t have anything of value except our collection of CDs of which I left her.
I left in tears at 5am in the morning, looked in on my 2 year old son and was tempted to take him away with me on a train to my parents, some 500kms away. Yes I could have taken my son, as I was his father and the police could not have arrested me and taken him back. I could have settled in my home town and the fight for custody could have started 10 hours later when Sharryn would have been angrily shouting at me at my parent’s house over the phone.
But taking my son would hurt Sharryn and though she had told me to leave, I was not going to hurt her in that way. Besides, let’s face it, mothers are made to nurture children, and children are best raised with a mother if it is possible. Fathers are good at parenting and I have met fine fathers in my time, but God made breasts on a women and it kinda proves the babies are meant to be closer to mum.
So leaving Sharryn that morning was kinda leaving my heart in that house in her spirit and part of my heart broke leaving my little boy also. Some people might assume that a male does not weep when he goes from a 14 day a fortnight full time father to a 2 day a fortnight part time father, but ladies to a sensitive co dependent messed up guy like me, losing the full time relationship with my son made me very sad.
For 8 hours on the train to my parents’ house I wept. The trees and meadows and farms passed by outside, with splashes of green and brown and the odd blue river under a bridge, and inside I wept as quietly as I could so as not disturb anyone. Six days later in a shower I decided to kill myself and if it had not been for my spiritually in tune mother who worried about her son in that shower that day, and my younger brother who was a trained counsellor, I would not have been typing this.
and it’s breaking my heart you’re leaving,
baby I’m grieving.
Though I left, it was my wife leaving and boy, suicide was very close.
But if you wanna leave take good care,
hope you have a lot of nice things to wear,
but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.
Though I had not been a good provider in the months before the separation, I had been good for the years before, and my wife had some nice outfits to wear. I have to agree with this lyric though, my wife was really pretty in my opinion with her rich Lebanese olive skin and dress size 12 figure and dark hair it would have been my wish to see her in more stunning dresses.
Sharryn was a dream girl. Such a wild girl, like a good horse she had plenty of spirit, enough to make her win races if she was a race horse and the endurance of a good horse that might do country riding. She was a fighter, she was a Maverick out of Top Gun, her all-time favourite movie. She was a player, she was the right girl to have at your side if you were going to take big risks and go all out at building a big empire. She wouldn’t fight to be the man of the house, she was strong enough to stand by her man and hold him up and pull him back up if he has a setback, but she was so strong in spirit that she was the wife a future millionaire would choose in his youth and together they would set the world on fire.
She had stickability, she was loyal, she was a vixen in bed, very loving and very intoxicating like a drug to me. Her looks were something that just kept me looking in the mirror each day and wondering why she fell in love with me. She used to say I was very handsome, but I had such a low opinion of myself I told her she was crazy on a number of occasions for marrying me.
I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol
She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.
Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.
Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.
but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.
Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an affair with. Well I was not good enough and she would have told me to leave even if she didn’t have another lover. I don’t blame him at all. I can’t blame him for sleeping with my wife behind my back. She had told him it was alright and perhaps she was just trying to get the courage to leave me.
She invited him to a drive-in movie with us one night. He was her friend she met at work where she was working, it was a vegetarian sort of caf